Saturday, October 11, 2008
It's been long since I've blogged, too long in fact. Exams are way overdue, finally. I can hear freedom yelling out to me. But I can also hear Zaki's voice screaming my name once I make a careless mistake during SYF practice. Then again, maybe he wouldn't even remember my name. I'd invisible to him, and would like to stay that way. It'd be horrible. I wouldn't be able to concentrate, I would have nightmares, I would cut myself.
Yes, I'm exaggerating.
It tends to happen a lot now that exams are over. I left my brain over at school, not wanting it back. Not until at least next year when I desperately yearn for it for my 'N' levels. I'm turning sixteen in a matter of months. Time passes by way too fast, it's slowly eating every inch of me. I cannot wait until the time that I get onto the plane to leave for Australia.
Now, that would be a moment when I wouldn't want time to fly by. I cannot wait until I can finally get away from Singapore and into an unfamiliar country. The feeling would be refreshing and unknown. It'd be too wonderful and free to put in words. I would sit on the beaches, watch the waves crash and know just how much Singapore is missing.
Tomorrow is yet another Saturday when I would dread to drag my feet over to church for catechism. It would be yet another Saturday when I have to sit in a crowded classroom, listen to Ben blabber. And yet, I do remember telling myself that I was now free.
It only goes to show how wrong I can be at times.
I cry too many times at night.
It should stop, but I don't want it to.
It's wrong, but I look up at your face
and convince myself that it's right.
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2:28 AM